Whose Pain is This?

837

I didn’t know whose pain this was

It felt like mine

It hurt like mine

It made me hardly able to move

How could it not be mine?

So I claimed it

And I berated myself

I put myself down

I got angry

And I haven’t been angry in a very long time

*

I thought I fixed the broken parts of me

I thought my life was so beautiful

So how could I allow the pain to return to my vessel

To the body I learned to love and honor

Something dark must be lurking

I must still have negative thoughts

Why else would I allow myself to hurt so bad?

Suddenly all my old demons have pointed a finger

And it looks like mine

Pointing back at me

*

But then there’s a call

And then there’s another

And then there’s an argument

And then there’s more anger

And then a neon sign with two fingers full of energy

And they don’t point at me

And then there is realization

I am fine and I have been for quite some time

But the voices on the other end of the phone

They are not!

And it becomes crystal clear that I have picked up their energy from a collective 2500 miles

Proving that distance – space – is all an illusion

That energy is all there is and it lives inside of us

*

So I apologize to myself

For doubting the good I have gained

And I recognized that I could return the pain to the right owner

For there is no way that I can fix them

I can only be a source of support

I can’t make anyone face their truth

Just like no one could make me face mine

*

It saddens me a little that I had so little faith

That I turned on myself like old habits dictate

But I am ever so grateful for this understanding

And maybe next time I will recognize that my body is showing loved one’s pain

Not mine

Blessitude

Lorrie

8/5/14

Posted by

My healing journey on the continuum of "It's all wrong" to "It's all right!" I love art and the creative process, reading, writing, and playing tennis.

44 thoughts on “Whose Pain is This?

    1. Hi Laurie! I am grateful that you could find comfort in something I have written, because I, so many times, am comforted by your words! Yes, I do have trouble deciphering whose pain it is, as I realize I feel not only mine, but others as well. It is all a learning process…and all part of healing. Which I think is an on going process….we probably shouldn’t think we have “fixed” something and that’s the end of it. Much love to you…You inspire me!

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s