A Relapse of Lyme Disease ~ And I Thought I was Done With That!

Emotional Pain and Healing, , , , , 99 Comments

picsart_01-29-03-17-22

My heart just couldn’t go there

My mind dared to travel down the road

Short distances…before it turned back

Because it too

Could not stand to face the scenery

Just beyond awareness

After all,

I already traveled down that road

I already met with

all the possible experiences on that route

I met them…

I lived them…

I lived THROUGH them…

AND I THOUGHT I WAS DONE WITH THAT!

I thought I learned

All I needed to learn

And I thought I felt

All I needed to feel

But I guess I was wrong.

Again.

Blessitude

Lorrie <3

1/30/17

Hi friends.  I’ve been a bit absent as I have had a few things to deal with, the least of which is the return of serious symptoms of Lyme Disease.

This post is part of a series of writings that flowed from this experience.  The links below are listed in order and will be active just after each post is published.  Thanks for taking the ride 🙂  Lorrie

  1. And I Thought I Was Done With That!
  2. I Already Fought This War
  3. Like a Ton of Bricks
  4. I Was Positive It Would Never Return
  5. You Can’t Control Everything
  6. Failure
  7. The List
  8. The Treatment
  9. I’m in The Happiest Place on Earth
  10. She Asked Me What It Feels Like
  11. Game On!
  12. A Pep Talk From An Angel

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99 thoughts on “A Relapse of Lyme Disease ~ And I Thought I was Done With That!”

    1. Hi DeBorah!! Appreciate your prayers and good thoughts <3 I'm in a much better place…the series will show…(I hope 😉
      Hope you and Stephen are well!!

      Reply

  6. Ah, chronic illness….a master teacher. I honor your process. <3

    Reply

  8. my goodness, Lorrie. I so feel for you!!! Funny, I saw your blog in my e-mail and I opened it- synchronicity as I am lecturing on Lyme Disease today. I wish you all the best….

    Reply

    1. Ah! Kim…I would love to know what your lecture is about!! So many times we have this kind of synchronicity…I love it! Good luck today…hope you are well <#

      Reply

        1. Like the ‘wholeness’ part Kim…because so often everything is so FRAGMENTED…especially my mind! Words…words are my life…to have them leave me and to stand there grasping for one only to come up empty…it is hard!
          Thank you for your well wishes…I will walk through this in light!

          Reply

  9. Thank you for sharing the lessons you learn. I don’t know if you are aware, my wife, Cyndie, is a lyme disease carrier. It took a long time to get her initial diagnosis and that path took her through some serious difficulties. Years later, we saw an article about all the possible impacts and realized she was experiencing nearly all of them in some form, even though the treatments had ended long ago.
    I believe the only reason she isn’t completely destroyed by the disease is her strong will to deny the implications and deal with each issue on individual terms, replacing joints as they fail and overcoming other limitations by sheer force of that strong will.
    It isn’t an easy course to travel. Best wishes and much love to you on your journey!

    Reply

    1. Ah…John. I was not aware that your wife Cyndie was afflicted by this horrible disease! It makes me sad to hear it…but your words also struck to me my core! Yes…it sounds so very much like the road I have traveled since a child of about 10. I was diagnosed at age 47 so the bacteria has played havoc to MANY SYSTEMS since then. Not to overstep boundaries…but it sounds like Cyndie is suffering…and as much as I hate to admit what I am going to say…Lyme…the bacteria has three forms one of which is a cyst…the disease is so smart it cocoons itself and hides from the medicine…and then lies in wait to come out when you are immunosuppressed…or under major stress. A very difficult part of this disease, as I hope my writings will show, is that you want to refuse to admit that it could return…and you feel like a failure if you do admit it! But John, the constant war inside a body…the constant fight to not be completely destroyed…IS EXHAUSTING!!! !!! !!!
      I send love and healing energy to you both…I know it is not easy to be the loved one of someone with this disease!
      If Cyndie ever wanted to communicate…you can email me from my contact page.
      Thank you, brother.

      Reply

  10. I’ve been wondering how you were Lorrie, but see from your comments above that you’re managing the situation and are on the road to stabilising once again. I hope it hasn’t been too emotionally draining for you, dear friend, but as Mary suggests, even adversity may sometimes bring along with it some merits — and I don’t mean to sound glib, but speak from experience. H <3

    Reply

    1. Hi Hariod!! I miss you!!!

      Thank you. I don’t find you glib, I never have! I find you full of wisdom and inquisitive to all possibilities 🙂 I am working through this and I am over the self-condemning part of the relapse. I didn’t talk about it much on my blog, but this disease has been quite debilitating throughout most of my life. I did not want to be defined by it, so I did not give it much energy. I decided that instead of feeling embarrassment and shame, that I would meet this relapse head on…it is what it is…and I HAVE LYME DISEASE! Now on to the business of killing the bacteria and expelling the toxin. (The treatment is worse than the disease…in the short run.)
      I hope you are well. I am so grateful for our connection <3

      Reply

  11. Oh Lorrie, I know how Lyme can ravage the body. It wears on the mind as well from dealing with it. And life somehow seems to keep going on. You have my prayers and any support I can give. If those numbered titles were links to other posts, they didn’t work for me. Or maybe they are still to come. Giant squishy hugs.

    Reply

    1. I LOVE squishy hugs, Marlene!!! 🙂

      Thank you so much, my dear friend! I, too, am going on 🙂 It is tough to deal with the daily “things” I have to deal with…and they are things that can change drastically from day to day, but I am doing it….I will continue to do it…and I AM FINE!!! 😉

      The links will only become active after the post is published…I plan to post them every couple of days or so.
      Hope you are super duper!!! Much love <3

      Reply

  13. Hugs and prayers to you Lorrie. Sometimes I forget that you have Lyme’s by how little you talk about it. I hope you find ways to cope, accept, rebalance and thrive. Previously, I would have said I want to take this away for you, but I’m starting to find a peace in surrendering to life and seeing what unfolds. May this bring new levels of peace and wisdom. blessings, Brad

    Reply

    1. You just made me cry, Brad! I just love your response…one, because it is the perfect response…and two, because as you said, you would not have replied this way in the past!!!! Yes, Brad!!! This is what it is all about…BEING in it…surrendering…accepting…DEALING!!! Thanks, my friend. Bless you <3

      Reply

  14. I’m sorry to hear this Lorrie. I know what strength it takes to deal with a chronic condition and I wish you all the best. Take good care. Mary.

    Reply

      1. I’m doing OK, thanks Lorrie. I’m always impressed by your positivity and I feel that, with this attitude, one can overcome just about anything. Stay strong, lovely lady.

        Reply

  15. I’m sorry Lorrie! But I know that you are stronger than Lyme disease! And I’m sure this will bring, as Brad said “new levels of peace and wisdom”. Much love, your friend, Fre’de’ric ❤

    Reply

    1. I know you are there, my dear, dear friend, and I am so grateful for your love and encouragement…and suggestions!!! Thank you beautiful soul mate. Sending you lots of love ♡

      Reply

    1. Oh…I’m sorry to hear that!! 🙁 I receive your hug with open arms and return the love and healing wishes right back to you!! Thank you so much for your empathy and compassion ♡

      Reply

      1. I’m looking forward to “a pep talk from an angel.” The course of events often leads there. I was reflecting on this while working at school. My new classmate (who’s new to the program) and also has been a registered nurse, became a quick friend. We were discussing how a nurse once ‘showed up’ for her while her foot was about to be removed. I was admiring her resilience, and clarity of mind, and then we discussed life journeys. This is how we end up doing things…
        all things… we were encouraged, supported, or … persistent, resilient. Fortunate.

        In fact, I really don’t know how anything happens. Just thankful.

        I sure am wishing you the best!

        Looking forward to seeing how your art evolves, too.

        xoxo

        Reply

        1. Ah! You know me well, Ka! Yes…the art will progress…along with the words. It sincerely amazes me how it “JUST HAPPENS!” I obviously have.my hand in it…but the art speaks as loud as my words and though I’m not sure it is obvious…there are reasons each one belongs to the words.
          You will have to wait a bit for ‘The Pep Talk” but you are so correct…it all leads there!
          Much love, my friend…so many blessings I send! ♡

          Reply

  20. Death is closing in on one person I love…and yet, her love for Jesus caused me to ponder early this morning, how she is actually in the process of being “birthed” into Christ – for an eternity – despite the appearance of things. Faith in Jesus affirms these words from the Bible, “Precious in the sight of God, is the death of one of His saints.” His “saints” is anyone who receives Jesus with the faith of a child…

    Precious, in the Eyes of God, is my dying mother, who is in the process of being “birthed” directly into His Heart…forever. Her longing is simply to “see His Eyes filled with love for her.” Being human, the faith to believe He loves her doesn’t negate that her need – eventually – is to have her faith that He loves her become “sight.”

    My husband is also suffering. Breathing suddenly became something more than he could count on “without thinking”… I made my mental adjustments, and prepared myself for a shorter life journey (he already suffers from Parkinson’s and severe sleep apnea)…but Grace came when I least expected it and he is likely to be okay.

    We continue to take life one day at a time…thankful for every moment.

    Then I see your posting, and my heart drops again. It’s funny how you can know someone so very little, yet feel connected through the tiniest point of contact…yet feel a personal sense of investment.

    Lorrie, I’m here and I’m huggin’ you along with everyone else and praying for your recovery as well.

    I almost feel like, if you get better, I’ll get better, too!

    Reply

    1. Wow…where to begin…? First, I think that may be one of the most powerful things anyone has said to me in a very long time…’if you get better, I’ll get better,’ and that is TRUTH! This Healing journey…this life we live facing adversity and facing beauty, is so connected. When one heals…we all heal. And I so wish to be adding to the healing of this world rather than adding to its misery!!

      My friend, you are in a time that is full of challenge…I can feel it. I know that death is a very real part of life…and we can not stop it. I send you strength to walk through this time…and so much love! I am happy that things seem to be better for your husband…and will keep him in my heart.

      I know what you mean…I am so grateful for the CONNECTION of our souls…for this is the only answer for how we can feel so impacted through words on a computer screen! I thank you for caring for me…I promise I am getting better!!! And I send a giant hug for you and your family ♡♡

      Reply

  21. Lorrie I am so sorry to hear this horrid illness has flared up again my friend.. I have another online friend who suffers terribly with this disease.. I know how debilitating it can leave you, feeling fatigue and pain .. Know you are held within my hearts prayers my friend as I send you energy over the airwaves.. Love to you dear Lorrie.. xxx <3 xxx

    Reply

    1. I can feel it, Sue! I really can 🙂 The disease is a bugger (literally) and impacts so much of the body (and mind.) The really hard part is trying to figure out what I can and can’t do physically…and that changes day to day. I hate to repeat the same old things and in the past have created much self reproach when I do. This time I’m hoping to be kinder and gentler with myself…and I’m looking to nip it in the bud…QUICKLY! Many blessings, and loads of light ♡

      Reply

  22. I’m glad to see you’re feeling better but so sorry to learn that you suffer from this horrible thing. Stinking ticks. Boo. Hiss. Hope you continue to heal. <3

    Reply

  23. Lorrie, sorry about the Lymes. I do know of protocols out there that seem to heal it, but I’ll not offer what I’m not asked. I’d have to dig to discover where I heard of it as well. The “I thought I was done with that!” is a phrase well known to me 😉 I remember thinking this a lot in my 40’s, and what I ‘heard’ in response to my dilemma was that life is like an onion, and we are constantly shedding a layer only to discover another under that. If lessons were repeated, I knew I had more work to do in that department, which also gave rise to the knowing that we come into life with several ‘main themes’ to work out (Easterns might call this karma). Anyhow, on we go, blessings to you and big hugs! <3

    Reply

    1. Oh, Bela! I couldn’t agree more! And I think when we think we were done with that…we are probably not…we just WANT to be done with that! I would agree that we come into life with ‘main themes.’ And I also know that sometimes the deepest lessons are the ones that hurt the most.
      I am ok…dealing with the ‘die off’ of bacteria (can put quite a strain on your body) but at least I know that the meds are working!
      If you can easily come up with the protocols you spoke of, I would not mind researching them. I have tried many…but am not resistant to ones I may not know of. If you should find anything, you can email me from my contact page. I would appreciate it, but as I said if it becomes too much work for you then do not worry.
      I hope you are well. I really thought about your poem about the weather where you said people who don’t research these things might be surprised…I for some reason always believe the weather there is beautiful.
      Thanks, Bela. Sending light…and love <3

      Reply

      1. I think Hawaii is beautiful in all her seasons.

        I cannot find the exact Lymes protocol, because I don’t have the disease. But I’ve seen some crossover to the leaky gut issues I’ve had in the past:
        http://www.pacificcollege.edu/news/blog/2015/02/11/treating-chronic-inflammatory-diseases-chinese-herbs-“gu-syndrome”-modern

        It can be difficult to find a good Chinese herbalist, just like it can be difficult finding a good fit for any caregiver. But Pacific is a great graduate school with some exceptional faculty. You might see if this Gu Syndrome fits for you and go from there. The Pearls formulas mentioned (I think in this article) are amazing.

        There’s another serious consideration: that of a good probiotic: https://lymeinside.wordpress.com/tag/saccharomyces-boulardii-lyo/

        Maybe this is just enough to get something sparking that can be helpful. All the best, Lorrie! Love to you!

        Reply

        1. Thank you so much, dear Bela! Your suggestions are good ones as long term antibiotic use can lead to leaky gut and systemic yeast issues. I will research your articles…and I am thankful for your caring heart! It sounds like you have had success treating your issues and I am happy that is so!
          Enjoy your beautiful Hawaii, Bela! It is a place that I have always felt was connected to my journey…but I have not made it there yet 😉
          Blessitude ♡

          Reply

    1. Oh my gosh! John! Thank you so much! You entered my mind the other day and I knew I wanted to visit you! So nice to see you…I hope that all is super in your world <3 And I know the healing you sent will help!!

      Reply

        1. Oh..thank you so much, John! I am actively working every day to regain my health!! 🙂
          And I am so happy to read your words. ♡ Hope that all is well in your world!

          Reply

  25. I’m so sorry Lorrie❣May you find the strength to ride this one Lorrie. It’s such a depleting disease to mind body and spirit. Sending light and lightness and a gentle hug your way 💕

    Reply

    1. I so appreciate it, Val! I have to remember the ‘gentle’ part as I have been anything but that with myself in the past. I am hopeful that I have learned a few things that will keep me in the light. I won’t lie and say that the effects are minimal…but I am working on my frame of mind…my ability to see grace in all things…and I will walk through this surrounded by light! Much love…I think of you and hope that things are well. <3

      Reply

      1. I have two friends with Lyme. One was misdiagnosed for a year … and has had to go through so much pain and fear of what symptoms would appear next. The other has just been diagnosed and he is literally on his knees right now. It is such a tough illness to love with. But live you will 💛💕❤️

        Reply

        1. Thanks, Val. Every time I hear of someone suffering with it…ah! the empathy is unlike any other time…because I know…really know what it is like. Please send light and love to your friends from me…I will say a prayer! Thanks for your beautiful soul!!

          Reply

  26. Dear Lorrie, sorry to hear about having to go down that road again. I expect that it must be tough feeling and experiencing what you had hoped to not feel anymore. I wonder, although, that maybe you have learned all that you needed to and that you can move through this with some bouyancy and awareness that you will get through this. Sending you love and healing blessitudes. Harlon

    Reply

    1. Thanks, my friend! Just as we spoke about your post…I am ‘rolling’ with this (ok…maybe not so much in the beginning!) and not trying to be at war with the idea of it. I have Lyme’s…I get it…some little sucker bit me years ago and injected bacteria…very intelligent bacteria that hides from the medicine and waits until you go off the meds to strike again the first opportunity it senses you have a weakened immune system! I am doing all can to ‘fight’ it…and yet accept it…if that makes sense…and chances are…with my brain fog it might not!!!
      Much love, Harlon. You know I’ll be ok!! <3

      Reply

  27. Dear, sweet Lorrie I felt sad to hear that you are having to deal with the Lyme again. I know that you are going to come through it again though and I hope you never have to deal with the pain of it again. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers and close in my heart. Love and hugs

    Reply

    1. Hi Maggie <3 <3
      Thank you beautiful one…I love your prayer and I know it helps me!! I truly am going to be okay…I know it!! I can't tell you how much it means to have support from beautiful souls just like you!
      I hope you are well, friend. I send beautiful thoughts right smack back to you <3

      Reply

    1. Hi Jewels 🙂 Thank you so much! I just know that good energy and prayers will help…and I am so grateful!!!
      Many blessings to you…I hope all is well in your world! <3

      Reply

  29. Hi Lorrie! I’ve been missing your post and I just realized why. Somehow I’ve “unfollowed” you! Well I’m back! In so sorry! I enjoy your blog!

    Reply

    1. Hi Andy! I understand completely…WP just arbitrarily ‘unfollows’ people all the time! I sure wish they would fix that glitch!!
      It’s so nice to see you…and I hope you and yours are super! ♡

      Reply

    1. Yes!! Writing helps…so much. I’ve a feeling you know this 😉
      Thank you Anita…If positivity and creative energy can cure…I’m golden. Hope all is well with you.

      Reply

  31. Sending you healing prayers Lorrie, re-occurring illness and it is an unpleasant one to say the least. I had to look up what it was Lymes and then this lead me to research natural repellents and remedies. There are many on the internet and so easy to make this is important for people with pets to be able use natural repellents and not chemicals. Rose Geranium seems to be very good and Apple Cider Vinegar. I will have to get some Apple Cider Vinegar as it is also good for removing fleas on pets.

    I know you will recover quickly you follow your intuition well. Take care and extra care with your adventures.

    Reply

    1. Ah! Thank you so much for the well wishes and the encouragement!! I am so grateful for the connection and for suggestions. I am a big believer in trying to use natural remedies as much as possible! I do not like pharmaceuticals…but understand there are times when they are necessary. Well being to you…Blessitude ♡

      Reply
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  33. So sorry you have to work through it again, my friend. But I know you will win this fight. Sending you love and healing light <3

    Reply
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  44. Lorrie, here I am to thank you for visiting my blog and the follow, when I see that you have greater concerns than knowing how grateful I am for this connection. I can see that you have great love flowing toward you from the thread of comments I have read, and I just wanted to add my love as well. I know so little about the disease apart from what I’ve read quickly through here, but I hope that you have the energy and strength and courage to fight it – you are a winner in my eyes.

    Reply

    1. Oh, Marie (?) You have touched my heart…and please…I am so happy to hear of your gratitude…and always have time to keep the connection! Blogging has been such a blessing for me. To be able to connect with like minded light workers who extend real love has been an incredible journey for me. I’m so happy to connect with you and thank you for your support and kind words. I hope that you are wrapped in the arms of love ♡

      Reply

      1. Yes Lorrie, it is Marie. Your beautiful message has brought a tear to my eye. Even in your situation, you are generous of heart – thank you so much.
        Many blessings to you dear one. ♡

        Reply

        1. Sorry not to reply sooner, Marie…I have had internet problems. Thank you for your super kind heart…it is so nice to connect! Blessitude <3

          Reply

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