Maybe it’s selfish
But no…
I don’t think so
I think more likely it is self-care
But I have to say “NO.”
And that’s a full sentence
That’s a full essay
And I am sorry if that doesn’t help you
But I also have to tell you
That it doesn’t make the things you said true
It’s just me taking care of me
(If that doesn’t take care of you…I’m sorry)
It’s me making a decision that is best for me
(If that isn’t your ideal plan…I’m sorry)
It’s me choosing me
(And because that differs from the way it has always been…I’m sorry)
It’s me BEING ME!
And I won’t apologize for looking out for my best interest…FIRST
And I certainly won’t apologize for making conditions optimal for my healing and growth
You see…
When I say the words “I’m sorry”
It’s not that I am apologizing for something I did or did not do
I’m simply saying that I am sorry that when I take care of myself
It doesn’t seem to work for you!
I’m sorry you feel that way.

Lorrie <3

When you’ve spent a lifetime trying to make things okay for everyone in your orbit (CO-DEPENDENCY) because you are really trying to make everything okay for yourself, it is a HUGE AHA MOMENT when you simply decide to take care of yourself!

When you couple co-dependency with a highly sensitive being, what you get is a person who is a slave to other people’s wants and needs and who finds it excruciating to let other people down because she can FEEL their pain and disappointment.

I’m starting to get clear on this; what I realize is that everyone experiences emotional pain differently. When I feel their pain and disappointment I do so from MY experience. What I feel is the level of MY pain which is probably not even close to what they actually feel, and this discovery has very profound effects for breaking the co-dependent chain.

I am not sorry that I am taking steps – monster – giant steps, to rectify my ability to determine whose pain it is, why I feel it, and then to deal with it. I am sorry that there are people in my life who don’t like the change because things (my behaviors) are not the same as they always were. I am sorry that they feel the need to lash out and hurt me. But I have to say that I am getting better at not taking that too.

The bottom line is, it is not selfish to take care of yourself. It is okay to say “No” when saying yes is not what is best for you. And most importantly, it is imperative that we stand up and take care of our own needs first or we will not be well equipped to help anyone else.

If you have spent a lifetime saying yes to everyone but yourself, it can be scary to make the change. People who have become very comfortable that you always put THEM first will present with the hardest challenge. I promise you that the hardest step is the first step, and just like every other aspect of life it gets easier with practice.

Just imagine the day that taking care of yourself becomes second nature and you don’t even have to think about it, you just do it! The saying that we teach people how to treat us is truth. Eventually they, too, will get used to the new dynamics. You just have to be steadfast until they accept the change. And if they don’t accept the change, then maybe you don’t need them in your life (and that’s a whole other post!)

I send you all lots of positive energy. I know each and every one of you is facing unique challenges at this time. I believe with all my heart that the key to navigating these difficult times is to pay extra special attention to our self-care. If we do, we will have the strength and fortitude to not only make it through – but to help others make it through these most difficult times.

<3 Lorrie

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  1. I think you are absolutely right about self-care! I hope more and more people in your life are able to support you in your vision for your best healthy self! It’s really got to be a focus and the people who are most equipped to understand this will support you, because when you have surplus you will always be the first share yourself. Love you!

    1. Ah! My beautiful friend!! You NAILED IT!! Right there!! When we do take care of ourselves it just multiplies the love…and with more love we can GIVE more love!!
      How are you Ka? I am certain very busy. I hope that all your loved ones are healthy…well! And I hope that you are able to do things that you WANT to do as well as all the things you NEED to do.
      I also agree with you…that the people who are able to support me in this will be so helpful…and the ones who can not?…Like I said…they just may have to tend to their own lives and let me live mine 😉
      Sending so much love and light!! <3 <3

    1. Hi Kristen 🙂 I hope the resonation gives you all good energy to be able to practice this so essential self-care. I think I was taught that it was selfish to think about yourself…and then I kept that narrative running through most of my adult years. It is such a freeing feeling to understand that I had it all wrong…that I NEED to take care of myself first because if I can do that I will have so much more to give to others. I have no doubt come across those who do not like this new me at all! And I truly am sorry that they don’t get it. I tried to explain and then realized that they don’t want to know why…they just want me to act the way I always have.
      I hope you are well…hope the smoke has cleared and that you have beautiful air to breathe!! Sending lots of love and light! <3

      1. Thank you dear one! I’ve been waking up to my abandonment of self for a few years now and lost friends due to it. It’s a huge transition but once awoken to it, one can’t go back. I am doing better now, thank you, and I hope you are too. The smokes have indeed cleared~ the skies are back to their typical clouds for October here :0).

        1. That is truth, Kristen! Can’t turn back now 😉
          Happy to hear things are better…and happier to know that you feel good on your journey. Here’s to loving the journey each and every step along the way!! I’m so happy we are connected💜

    1. Hi Tom…that’s the bottom line! I think of an airplane journey and the flight attendant says to use the oxygen on yourself before you give it to your child. If done in the opposite order…well…you get what I am saying I’m sure.
      Hope you are well…stay safe…and take good care of yourself!!

  2. Kudos Lorrie. Taking care of ourselves is very important along with learning to distinguish our motivations and setting boundaries. I’ve been on both sides of this dynamic. Hugs and blessings…

    1. Hey Brad😊 Oh yes…BOUNDARIES!!! Hmmmmm…..still a bit of work to be done there. I think there’s always room for improvement in the self-care department.
      How was your family visit? I hope all went well and that you had a great time!

  3. Good luck with this (hard)work Lorrie❣️It’s such a worthwhile journey to face ourselves and make positive choices in our lives, that are in our best interest. Learning to fall in love with my imperfect self, instead of measuring myself against others expectations was a life changer. Sending a hug and support your way. 💕

    1. Thank you for your support and understanding, Val 💜 Loving ourselves, no matter what, is truly the key to healing and moving forward on this journey. The pushback I have received from some people has been intense. And I won’t lie…it has been difficult at times to stay true to myself. There is one particular person that I have had to eliminate from my life and even though this makes me very sad, I have had to dig deep and take care of myself first. Thanks for adding your energy here. I hope things are going well for you and yours.

      1. I have had to let go of many relationships along the way…. and some have been rekindled in a new light, years later. We have to take of ourselves first. If the other person doesn’t respect that, then it’s time to create boundaries and space between you. Good luck in this time of transformation 💕

        1. Thanks, Val. It can be so difficult. I have worked hard on boundaries and it is a really good thing. There are just some people that I am not quite ready to “leave.” I think that I can and then there is something deep inside that keeps me from pulling the plug, so to speak. So, if I can’t completely break free from those relationships then I must have very clear boundaries. It’s just that these particular people are very good at bullying past them. I know this is all about ME…and that I have the power to make the changes…
          Thanks for your words 🙂
          Hope the rest of your week is filled with good things <3

  4. Oh Lorrie, your words speak straight to my heart. It can sometimes take a long time, a lifetime, to come to the realisation of how important self care is. When we love ourselves, truly love ourselves, we have so much more to give to others. These past few months I’ve felt my heart expanding so much even, and perhaps because of, these surreal times we’re in. Much love and blessings to you. And thank you for a wonderful post. 💙

    1. Hi Miriam 😊 That’s the smile I get when I see you here! Thanks so much for sharing a piece of your soul. I agree, the journey of self-care…self-love, is a long one…haha…the long and winding road!! The twists and turns occur for me when I have a momentary lapse…and forget to take good care. I am so happy to hear how your heart has been expanding during these difficult times! That is a really good thing!! That means that the more light you accept into your heart…the more you are able to spread that love…and that is exactly what I feel from you.
      Many blessings to you for a week filled with lots of love…and hopefully many insights. I am so happy we have connected here💜

      1. Aww, hand on heart here. What a beautiful reply Lorrie, thank you so much. I’m so glad we’ve connected here too, I feel such a kinship with you. Hope your new week is also a beautiful one with many blessings. Much love my friend. 💜

    1. Hi Julie 🙂 Don’t you just love those AHA moments?? Funny how I can forget about them so quickly sometimes…but then with grace…they become AHA moments again 😉
      Hope you are well! And wish good things for you <3

  5. Sometimes I wonder if when I first learned about self care and codependency, oh, about 30 years ago, I went too far in saying no. I had put everyone else first for so long and it was expected. I suffered from compassion fatigue and eventually, burn out. Now, I seek an overall balance, including myself in my circle of compassion more naturally. Still, I wonder sometimes. Thank you for reaffirming the importance of taking care of ourselves. It becomes easier. Blessings to you, dear Lorrie. <3

    1. What a great point, JoAnna! When we realize something that has been hurting us it would be natural to try to correct it quickly…and absolutely! I may be a little guilty of this…and to be honest Covid has played a factor as well. It’s hard to be so available when we are practicing social distancing. Maybe it takes a little time to find…and feel…your new normal. I just know that I spent so many years involved in unhealthy relationships…to the point of abuse…and I don’t want to do that any longer. I get there had to be a.piece of me that thought I deserved it or else it wouldn’t have happened. I’m just so happy that I really don’t think that is true now, and so my meter jumps when I think there is a possibility. I did have a life event that I felt really bad about, and I can see where I felt bad about myself…and possibly vibrated at a level that was less than love.
      Ah! It is work…and we sometimes take two steps forward and one step back…but I wouldn’t change any of it!!
      I hope you are doing well and that your creative soul is busy making things😉
      Sweet Blessings💜

      1. It is good to know now that we deserve healthy love and healthy friendship and that these are available, at least from ourselves and our creator, but also from others. I’m wishing you good health and abundant blessings. <3

  6. Wonderful post, Lorrie. If we do not take care of ourselves and in essence make ourselves a priority – it makes it impossible to give to others and create a community (however small or large, a connected and strong community creates a better life). And as you write, it is not just physically but emotionally. Your last sentence rings so true: “If we do, we will have the strength and fortitude to not only make it through – but to help others make it through these most difficult times.”

    1. Thanks Randall. I sometimes wonder why it took me so long to understand this premise…and then I realize that is just another way to beat myself up!
      It feels like many people come to this one later rather than sooner…but hey…getting to the party late is better than not going at all!
      I hope that you are well and that you and yours are navigating this very ‘charged’ time. Lots of love and light 💜🌞

  7. Dear Lorrie, it’s a cold and bleak November 1, and now more than ever, self-care for me is important.
    Sometimes I get caught up in what Self-Care is. Is it pampering myself or is it pushing myself to another
    level, a better level of how I feel and connect with this world. For me, what resonates, is self-compassion
    and feeling loving kindness for myself. Things can be easy and they can also be difficult, it just depends
    on what is going on. However, if I can be kind to myself, lighten up on myself and realize that I am doing
    the best that I can do – which I acknowledge is far from perfect (what is perfection anyway), then I can get
    through each day, each struggle with some mindfulness and allowing myself to be human – and then, working to that point where being human, being me, is OK. It’s odd how in life we become so focused on how others perceive us, I realize it’s more about how I perceive myself, and to myself I make this vow, to be kind.
    Much love, Harlon

    1. Ah! My friend you hit that nail right on the head!!!!!

      “It’s odd how in life we become so focused on how others perceive us, I realize it’s more about how I perceive myself, and to myself I make this vow, to be kind.”

      This!!!! Right here! It is about honoring the relationship we have with ourselves…it is about really getting to know ourselves or better yet, allowing our true selves to blossom without the judgment from self and others. It is choosing kindness…and compassion. And I think on some level it is not even being aware of what others think about us. Then, of course, you have to throw in the pampering too😊😊

      Thanks Harlon. I hope that this new week…and new month…will be good for you! Sending much love and light!! 💜🌞

  8. I think we are all a work in progress, I believe if we weren’t than we’re not doing something right. There’s always room for growth, leaning, being better!

    1. Thanks so much for stopping by…and relating!! 🙂 I find no matter how hard I try to improve in the self-care department…there is always more I could do 😉
      Best wishes for safe Holidays!

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