I have this feeling again. The feeling that I am supposed to be doing something. It feels like my soul is calling to me but can’t quite reach me. It is impatient and frustrated because for some reason I am not able to connect – not able to hear or see or feel what it is I should be doing.
I am happy that I have this feeling because for many years I didn’t feel anything – well, anything except physical pain. But I have stripped the layers of that pain away and it leaves the longing of my soul to be felt.
I feel it in a restless way that makes me want to be angry at myself for not being able to access it. It would be so easy to become angry and impatient because they are the old habits that are ingrained…the habits I work very hard to extinguish.
But I decide instead to sit quietly with my heart open. I decide to be grateful for all the wonderful things in my life. I decide that I AM doing what I’m supposed to be doing. Look at how many beautifully spirit led words come to me that I am able to share on my blog. “My blog” was inconceivable to me even a few short months ago.
I decide that I am so grateful for the world this has opened for me – the wonderful spirits I have met who continue to inspire me on a daily basis. You, sweet people who humble me with your comments of love and support.
And then it dawns on me…my soul feels happier with this pen in my hand putting words on a paper. Is it possible that writing quenches the thirst of my soul, the longing in my heart? Is this what I must do to fulfill my contract with the universe, to answer my calling from God?
I’m not sure. But for now it has quieted the longing hunger. For now I feel satiated. For now I know the words in my heart have come out and there is a release.
There is peace.