Could my body be more broken?
I am not sure…
I have done everything I can think of to recover from the assault.
The muscles are tight and tired, the tendons stretched beyond capacity.
The bones are out of alignment and they hurt.
And all of this after I was so completely balanced there was no need for a reboot!
What are the lessons to be learned?
Surely, there is a reason for this physical pain…
There is a piece – a tiny sliver of something that has yet to be seen.
It is there, I can feel it now.
I can isolate it and possibly give it a name.
Time to work on the origin…
Time to acknowledge the pain and to free it from my soul.
The journey has been long and winding.
I have been shown so much.
I am receptive.
I ask for clarification.
I am so ready to meet this.
I will be gentle.
I have no animosity – just curiosity.
I am not afraid.
I have built a strong secure foundation and I recognize how much I do control.
But I also know the universe and the collective energy has an “impact.”
If only for the reason that we are one and the same.
I am creating an environment that is full of love.
That is secure.
I am open to the guides who will help me on this journey.
Just love and understanding.
White light and crystals.
This poem was written 10/3/12, just over two years ago. I was in the midst of incredible healing…healing from a physical disease, and healing from emotional scars that I had never properly dealt with. The two are so connected.
Two years later, I find myself in the midst of a set back. When my emotional world goes so out of whack that I leave my beautiful state of AWARENESS, I allow my body to feel the stress of the disconnect. When stress impacts my body, my disease which lies in a dormant state becomes an opportunistic invader and attacks every system in my body.
I have chronic Lyme’s Disease. It was determined that I probably had it since I was a child…11 years old. It was not diagnosed until I was 47 years old, when I was bitten by another tick who also carried the parasite Babesia – a malaria-like disease. Babesiosis almost killed me.
I was treated for four years. It was no picnic, but I grew in ways that were incredible. April 2, 2013, was the last time I took medication…I was HEALED!
Until, November 3, 2014. It is disturbing to admit that all the strange health occurrences I experienced of late is due to a reemergence of the Lyme bacteria in my body. It is more disturbing to admit that emotional stress is the trigger which woke up the dormant buggers to rage war inside me.
I was shocked and maybe a bit embarrassed by the news. Shocked because I believed I was completely healed of this horrific disease. Embarrassed because in hindsight, it all made perfect sense and I couldn’t believe I didn’t recognize it myself. Then we could discuss the ways I was tempted to abuse myself for allowing it all in the first place. I say “tempted” because it is a delicate balance, teetering on the edge of love and hope – and shame and blame.
Most days I stay in love and believe that there is much offered here for me to learn. And I will learn. And I will heal. And I pray that I can pass along something that helps others. Namaste ~ <3 Lorrie
Photo courtesy of en.wikipedia.org