This Pain

 

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“You are and will always be much more than your pain.”

~ Dennis Ference

A dear friend (Dennis Ference…click here to see the poem he wrote for me) said this to me and I knew immediately that I would need to think about theses words.

For I have lived many…

        many years

feeling this pain

knowing this pain

remembering this pain

        even during the times that I thought

                I had forgotten this pain

 

If something has been true for a lifetime…

        does that mean that it is truth?

Have I defined myself by my pain?

Does my pain somehow make me special?

 

Or does my pain reflect the child who wished upon a star

Who begged the animals who were her only friends

Who acted out wishing someone would notice

Someone would swoop in and save her

Save the others

But no one did

No…

No one saved her

 

In fact there were those who could sense the despair

        And they took advantage

        And they betrayed her

        And they hurt her

and caused more pain

NO.

I see the pain I have worn like a comfy old coat.

It is nice and worn in…

        a trusted friend

Something I can count on…

Something I expect…

Something that feels…

   Safe

How strange.

NO.

Yes, Dennis, you are correct…

I am more than my pain

And I don’t need to hide behind it any longer

I shed the cloak…

     Release the harness…

          Drop the worn pieces in a bucket.

YES.

And I choose love.

The love that exists in the realm of the divine…

The love that exists in my soul.

     Thank you dear Dennis…

          I am more than my pain

               And I am so blessed and full of gratitude…

                    Blessitude!

Lorrie ❤

2/27/15

 

33 thoughts on “This Pain

  1. I don’t know where I’ve been but I didn’t know you were in so much pain. 😦 The words that cut me to the core were “no one did”. No one does, nor can anyone. It’s a lonely feeling sometimes. You are brave to live in love. hugs

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    1. And the words that brought tears to my eyes were “No one does, nor can anyone.” I lived in lonely isolation for so long, Laura. I agree…the way…the help…has to come from that place that lives inside. And we are never truly alone…we only think we are because that somehow makes the pain be right. Thanks for commenting Laura…many blessings ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Aww….I totally understand Lorrie. I actually had a similar issue. I’m an isolator as friendly as I appear to be. It’s a constantly battle for me to pull from within the joy. It’s a choice though even though sometimes it doesn’t feel like it. HUGS

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  2. You are indeed so much more than your pain. Look at all the amazing teachers that have come into your life as a result of your path. You are so sweet after all that bitter; what a bright light of love you are. Pain may be the path, but it certainly does not define us and for that we must be empowered, practice self-love and be courageous in life don’t you think? I had some of my own deep insights reading your post and I thank you for that Lorrie. Blessitude!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes…yes…and yes…Lisa!! Thank you so much for your very comforting and supportive response. I had a bit of a down day and reading your words just lit me up …Thank You! I agree with everything you said here, as well as to at your blog. Connecting the two I wonder how much I “fear” giving up the pain…because it has been a constant companion. The good news is, just as you noted, so many wonderful teachers have come into my life…and I know a better way now 🙂 Here’s to being empowered and courageous …and most importantly…loving ourselves!! ❤ ❤

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  3. Lorrie, this is quite powerful. We all have hidden pain, whether physical, emotional or spiritual. We have carried the burden so long, we have allowed it to become a part of us, build into our psyche. It has become comfortable, as you said, a warm and safe, “comfy old coat.” We forget in summertime, that comfy old coat can harm us, cause dehydration, give us heatstroke. We must constantly reevaluate old comforts, whether they keep us sheltered in love or whether they keep us chained in captivity. Sometimes, we need to shed the burdens, cut the chains, and experience the “lightness of being,” the freedom of being simply and joyously us.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Oh, Susan…Thank you so much!! Yes…experience the “lightness of being” and the “FREEDOM of being simply and joyously us!” So…so beautiful <3. You warm my heart with this beautiful advice…something we all could do to improve every life situation. I think the layers we pull back on this spiritual journey allow us to peel off the comfy old coat. For me, it took quite some time to realize that I cling to my pain for I somehow (mistakenly) believe it protects me. I am a work in progress…and I am so grateful for all I learn. I am so grateful for your support and beautiful words …Thank you! ❤

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  4. I believe your pain will become smaller and lighter in weight as your love light grows brighter and stronger. Thank you for letting us share in your journey of healing through writing. Hugs to you and to that little girl and to those animals who were her friends. She is and always was much, much more.

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    1. Sometimes, JoAnne, words…and quite possibly the energy behind them…hit you right in your heart center! The “little girl” thanks you immensely…it is as if we suspended time and you were the first person to offer her love and a sanctuary. The animals did the best they could…and without them I’m not sure what would have happened. And besides they had their own issues to deal with in that environment. I am more than grateful for your love and understanding. Thank you dear friend…may this beautiful Sunday offer you much love. ❤

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    1. Hello my friend!! You truly honor me <3. I am so thrilled that you agree. One might argue that there is no pain if we don't feel it! Thank you, DeBorah. ..I'm so grateful for your support and love!

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  5. Hey lady! Thanks for the visit. How are you doing? I know you’re busy…still playing tennis? Catch me up when you can.

    Have a super evening,
    Steve

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