This is a series of poems that follow a very deep healing experience. I put a disclaimer here to say that it deals with child sexual abuse and while I hope it affords healing, I beg you to proceed only if you are in a place of safety and can handle it.
Unfortunately, I cannot figure out how to get the series to scroll in order…here at WP…the last post shows first. So I am going to list the poems in order right here…each poem’s name will be linked to the post. Each new post will also have links in order.
Thanks for visiting and leaving your footprint here!
I REMEMBER…AN ODYSSEY
The colors dance upon my mind
A kaleidoscope of shapes
Changing colors melt
And turn into another
Is this what forgiveness feels like?
Smiles extend out
Better yet they come back
Things that annoyed me before
We’ll get there
It will all work out
Yes, if I had to name this
I would name it peace
Yes, add joy to peace
That is what this is
Don’t forget about freedom
Peace + Joy + Freedom
The sun shines brighter
The ocean smells better
And every flower I pass
Has more essence than it had before
Every person I see has more soul than ever before
Let the smile in my heart reach out
Through my lips
Let the laughter of my soul reach out
Through a song
And let the love of my being reach out
Through a hug
A hug for creation
A hug for the universe
If only I had known what forgiveness felt like
I am so grateful to each and every one of you who walked on this healing journey with me. The support you gave to me helped in ways that are real, that are palpable.
I am so happy that I scheduled this series in advance. I knew that it would be hard for me to post on consecutive days for two weeks in a normal time span. But the past week has been anything but normal.
I had to drive up north to see my Lyme doctor. The plan was to drive two days, see my son on Sunday (SonDay :)), see my doctor on Monday and drive two days home.
Saturday night I was informed that my father most probably has lung cancer…they are awaiting the biopsy. The doctor told him that due to his age (86) and current health, he would recommend that he not do any treatment. He told him to go home and live out his life. My father said, “The hell with that…take the damn thing out!” He plans to live to 103 and be shot by a jealous husband.
My heart told me that I should go to visit him Sunday. My mind intervened and said, “Are you sure?” I listened to my heart and with the comfort of my son by my side, I made a “surprise” visit…a very surprise visit. I am so happy that I was able to listen to my heart.
I saw my doctor Monday morning and continued on the road from there. I was in Virginia when the assisted living facility where The Momma lives called. She was on her way to the hospital.
I was 15 hours away. I can’t begin to tell you how frightened I was. I called my best girlfriend, M, and told her. She was in her car on the way to The Momma within 5 minutes! She saved both our lives that day.
The emergency room doctor did an EKG and was going to send The Momma home…her heart was fine. But, you see, my girlfriend had had a pulmonary embolism a year and a half ago. She told the ER doctor that The Momma’s symptoms were identical to hers when she had one. The doctor did not like being told what to look for. But my girlfriend did not care! She did not leave him alone until he consented to do a test.
He ordered a CT scan and then didn’t want to show his face when it turned out that The Momma did, indeed, have a pulmonary embolism!
We drove through the night to get to her. I don’t think I could have slept anyway. By the time I got to lie down and take a small nap I had been awake for 31 hours.
She is having treatment in the hospital and is in pretty good spirits. As luck would have it, the hospital was so busy the only room they could give her was a private room. She keeps exclaiming how nice the room is 🙂
I know how rare it is to have both parents aged 86 (The Momma will be 87 next month) still with me. I also know that we all walk a different journey here on earth. I am so grateful for the healing that I so very recently received and worked through. It wasn’t too late. It was perfect, divine timing.
This post is titled “Forgiveness” because I finally understand what it means. It does not mean that I condone the behavior or actions of someone who hurt me. It means that I can be empathetic and I can look at what had happened in their life that made them the way they are. It means I can say and more importantly believe that they did the best they could at that time with what they had to work with.
As I said above, we all walk our own journey. We all make decisions. From the bottom of my soul I thank you for deciding to walk a little while with me!
OH!!! AND HAPPY EASTER!!!♡♡♡
I will be taking some time off from posting here so I can catch up reading what you all have been up to! 😉