Her pain is so raw as she tries to hold on to the life she controlled with such precision.
For what is left when there is nothing left that she feels can be manipulated?
She lashes out and makes rude comments.
She tries to push me away as she wishes to show me the pain that is coursing through her veins.
She finds the one thing she controls, the one thing left in her existence that is under her rule, and she goes to town.
She is so proud.
Her plans are working just as she perceived them to and nobody has anything to do with it.
Ha Ha! I’ll show them, she thinks in the mind that feels so all alone.
One by one they drop…
The pain is assuaged each time the number is read.
And she feels a brief moment of success, something she hasn’t felt for a long time.
One by one becomes a loss of about three pounds per week, and she smiles.
She feels so good about herself it is hard to take it away from her!
She brings it up willingly at every visit…because she is so proud.
And I am brought back to a time when I was proud.
When a glance in the mirror didn’t show the reflection of what I felt.
When my life was so out of my control that I, too, controlled the one thing that was left, and it scares me!
She won’t listen to reason.
I ask her, “What number do you have in mind? What number will make you happy?”
With zero hesitation she blurts, “107!”
So my mind does the mental math and I think by Christmas she will be a bag of bones…
photo credit: https://howtobeadad.com