Like shattered glass
The pieces tumble to the ground
Leaving scars as they cut places they’ve been before
If a scar is a scar
Why does it feel brand new?
The pain which is all to easy to forget
because it is better than feeling it
each time the hammer comes down on the heart
it begs the brain to remember
because at least then it would have a fighting chance
at least then I could be ready
and I could take my heart and put it in a place that is safe
because I don’t know how many more times
it can be shattered
and survive intact
It’s confession time.
They say confession is good for the soul. My soul is crying out, begging for relief. I feel so torn.
On one hand I am healing and I want my blog to be uplifting and inspirational. But the truth of the matter is that I have filled books with writings that I have not been able to share here.
I talk about authenticity and all I can say is I feel like an imposter. I have been going through one of the (if not the) hardest years of my life and I have not been honest here.
This inner turmoil has caused me to not be fully present. I have thought at times that I would end my blog, but that makes my heart cry as this blog and all of you have been a steadfast support in my journey.
Somewhere along the line I started to believe that I had to be an expert on healing and only share positivity. I stuffed the pain of life down into the well and only shared the times when I was able to offer something positive. While I don’t view that as a bad thing I do view it as not fully authentic.
Life can get messy. My life is an alphabet soup of mess right now. The struggle is real but I promise you that I believe every step I take is a step in healing. I don’t feel ready to share exactly what this year has been about, but I will be more honest sharing how it affects me.
I have so many projects in my head, many of them starting to take shape in reality. My goal is, and has always been, to heal and to shine a light on the possibility of healing so that others can believe and have faith that they, too, can heal.
I am beginning to understand that healing is a journey filled with twists and turns and hills and valleys, and that we may never fully reach our destination. Conversely, maybe the key is to realize the destination IS THE JOURNEY and that to be aware in every step and to honor the process is a life well lived.