The calendar pages turn
Day ticked off
The list grows
So many things swirl through my head
So many things I want to do
So many things I want to make
Can’t stop the progression
As my mind swims to deeper depths
As it tries to figure out solutions
To situations I hold
And to ones that may
Or may not happen
But they happened somewhere in time
So I must be prepared
For every possible thing
This feels like anxiety
This feels like living from old tapes of the past
and I know the solution
I must live in this moment
And recognize the beauty of my life
I want to wake and look at the miracles
I want to live from the truth of my being
I want to be connected to Spirit
and I want to swim through the ocean of love!
I am a great sleeper. When my head hits the pillow it’s lights out and a bomb could go off and I don’t wake up.
That is until lately. For some unexplained reason, I have been waking with a start and I feel so wide awake I know there’s no chance of falling back to slumber.
3:00AM. Almost on the dot! Every time!
I made the decision not to fight it, so I get up and do something. Sure, I get tired by days end but that just makes me think, “Great! Now I will sleep well tonight.”
That has been true. I usually sleep well the next night, and ok the night after that. Then I repeat the pattern.
Last night I sat straight up and I just knew it was 3:00AM. I got up to take care of business and I looked at the clock – and it was 2:00AM! I was pissed off! I would not get up at 2:00AM!
So I stayed in bed and I tossed and turned. I could hardly keep up with the thoughts that raced through my mind.
I’m not sure what it is, but I have an idea that it is tied to the fact that the holidays are fast approaching. This will be the first pass through them without both of my parents. 🙁
Holidays have always been uncomfortable for me. I guess I hoped that things would be different this year. I thought about it a lot this morning before I posted. And I realize that they will only be different if I make them different!
I am a work in progress.
Sending you all lots of love and light as we head into the time of year that is so difficult for so many. I truly wish you all peace.